What is the significance of an echoing occurrence in one’s life? It seems as though that my life is filled with such. Events that remind me of ones in the past… Does this mean I haven’t changed? And by not changing the events that transpire are as such? Or is it something much more inherent… Something that is beyond my choice. Rather a definition of my self, for it to cease would mean my death. I am unsure. All I know is is that recently certain events have been reoccurring. Heh… Ironic in all ways. I wonder… How this will all play in the large scheme of things. All of our lives are merely reflections of each others. It is so strange that I could almost laugh, just almost.
My Dad would always say to me how nothing is free in this life. And by that in order for there to be gain, there must always be a loss. I have no shame in being the deficit for life. Others require their happiness as well. Though I cannot say I can proud of it either. For it has left me with more poignant points in my life then I would of liked. This is the way the world is. Without the losers there are no winners.
In terms of recent events I always write ambiguously so that only those that know can understand what I speak of. Back in high school I was faced with the conclusion that someone I admired was admiring the friend by my side. Can’t say that was most pleasant, but I held no grudge. I am proud of my philosophy as far back as then and have kept it since. It did not matter whether either of us had liked her. What mattered was who she liked. And if they were happy, that was enough for me. And I stepped back into obscurity, not making a scene. As said before, I am not worth the drama.
Funny how such an event has reoccurred. Thankfully not to the same severity as before. Just as before, my philosophy has not changed. And if they are happy… I will have no qualms about it. It has made me think quite much, hence my writing. There is a feeling I cannot describe, this sense of how the world is much smaller then we imagine it to be. Perhaps it is under the expression that when we inhale we breath in the world around us and when we exhale we breath out the dreams within us. The dream within and the world beyond. I must sound ever so esoteric. Like that of a Greek philosopher or a new age practitioner. But enough of my rant. My mind is spent.